well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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