finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
