I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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