I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
