I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
