4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
