party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
