i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
