Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
