Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
