literally had 100 drinks last night.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
