The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
