You made me cry and you don't even care
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
