if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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