You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
