I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
