is your mom at the bar?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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