What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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