haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
