My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
