the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
