i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Everyone says I win the strip club
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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