he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
