So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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