So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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