If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The Olympian is in my bed
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
