Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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