I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
