Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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