You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
