when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
