He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
