so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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