Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
