Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
