if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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