I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
