Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
