I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
