hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
