ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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