If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
