You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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