The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
