My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
