He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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