if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
