She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
