Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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