Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
