sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
