Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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