im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
