Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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